We have been struck with the plague at this house. It started with Cameron and a minor cough and has turned into Ali being diagnosed with RSV and the last three night, me sleeping like this….

We are currently on day 6 of this “little” virus and day 8 of being quarantined in the house. To say we are going a little nuts is a understatement. Please send reinforcements and more kiddie cocktails! It is going to be a long weekend!

my heart grew outside of my chest

my world turned upside down

my husband kept smiling – even when all I could do is cry

my son made me laugh – just when I thought all he had seen in the last week was his time out step

my daughter cuddled -just when i thought I couldn’t take anymore

i was humbled

i learned patience

we have grown

we have failed

we have succeeded

we have slept

we have loved

we became a new family

Well, here we are, two weeks into being a family of three and adjusting to being a family of four.  I wish I could say it has all been blissful and magical, but I cannot.  I can say though, that I couldn’t be happier in whatever our new little life is and will become.

Physical

Both Alison and I are feeling very well.  This second delivery was much easier on my body than Cameron.  I guess I didn’t realize just how bad off I was after Cameron was born until we were in the hospitals and different nurses kept coming in and saying how bad my last delivery was and how they are shocked I delivered naturally this time.  Ali is a bit restless and gassy, but this little princess loves her sleep and has even allowed us to sleep for 5 hours at a time, so you cannot complain about that at all!

Mental

The signs of baby blues are strong these last few weeks.  It was to the point that when I took Alison in for her weight check after the hospital, when asked how I was doing, I burst out into tears.  The nurse came in and took Alison out of my hands and encouraged me to call my doctor….right then…where they could see.  I got a prescription, but I haven’t started taking anything yet.  Seriously, at that time, I was 4 days out from having a child.  I think it is pretty normal to feel a bit weepy and overwhelmed.  I’m not saying that I won’t take something, but I’m shocked at how easy it is to get drugs or for drugs to be forced onto you when you show a bit of real emotion with a doctor.

Baby

She is beautiful.  Look at her!

Family

Cameron and I are getting to know each other.  I think that was something I wasn’t prepared for – the change in my relationship with Cameron.  I put him to bed on Saturday night, and by the time he was done with  breakfast on Sunday, everything changed…for him….for me…for our family.  Instead of him  being this little baby boy, he is now my big boy, when I look at his face, I feel like I’m looking at Alison with a magnifying glass.  He is just so big now, where two weeks ago, he was so small and vulnerable.

That being said, this kid is smart.  He knows how to play me and he knows that when I’m nursing, that is the  best time to push over the chair in the kitchen to the candy dish.  He knows that I’m worried about him, so he plays into that worry and I find myself laying in his bed to get him to sleep for hours at a time.

I’ve purchased a behavior chart, I have taken away toys, and today bought a book…..Your Three Year Old, Friend or Enemy.  Hopefully I can understand a bit more of what he is thinking and that it isn’t so personal.

Jeff is amazing.  Nuff said…

While in the hospital, Cameron came to visit us twice. He was so confused as to what was going on and why we couldn’t come home. Luckily, his confusion lead to some funny moments that I had to write down so we didn’t forget….

Wen he was walking in, I was feeding Alison. He asked what I was doing and we told him. He looked at me, at my boob and yelled out, “ohh. Gross!”

Then, when I started drinking chocolate milk, he stared at me for a long time.  You could tell he was trying to put something together in his head.  He finally asked if since I was drinking chocolate milk, Alison was getting chocolate milk via the boob. Amazing how he was already concerned she was getting something he wasn’t…so we got him some chocolate milk too and he was happy.

Finally, the nurse came in to take vitals and check in, Cameron instantly went over to Ali’s little bed and guard her. When one nurse came in and wanted to check her blood oxygen levels, Cameron thought she was getting a shot. He didn’t leave her side the whole time and cried for her, saying no one was allowed to give his sister a boo boo. When the nurse Didn’t end up doing a shot, he was so relieved, but watching him protect her, even at a few hours old, will melt my heart forever…

I know that they will someday drive me nuts, pul out each others hair, and make me wonder why I had kids to begin with…I know that these days I will forget in the future…but that day is not today…today I never can imagine forgetting this feeling of overwhelming gratitude…